Dumb Question

Student: "Mrs. Haslam, what section are we reading tomorrow?"
Me (thinking I'd inspired a love of Geography and this person wants to learn all they can): "Why?"
Student: "Because I want to know where to leave this note for whoever sits here."
Me: "Seriously, did you just ask me that?"
Student: "huh?"
Me: "do you think I think it's a good idea for you to leave notes for you friends to read during class?"
Student: "oh."

Jr High Fashion

observed: December 2011...

For those of you who missed it on Facebook a few weeks ago, I wrote that one of my favorite parts of teaching junior highers is that "in a sea of Juicy, Uggs and Citizen jeans, there will always be someone wearing sweatpants and dress shoes"

The Worm and Blind Justice

My third year of teaching was my first year of teaching single gender classes. I really loved having only one gender at a time, partially because I think I got to see my *real* students and not some semi-fake version meant to impress the other gender (which is funny because how impressive can a 7th grade boy really be?!) While I really enjoyed my girls classes, the boys classes were a source of constant entertainment (and frustration):

- after losing participation points for the whole class because he could not keep his mouth shut, I told a student he could earn those points back by doing something to entertain me. He offered to do the worm and I accepted. It was amazing.

- three boys in the back of the room could not keep their hands of the blinds. It was more annoying than anything else so I kept telling them to knock it off just because it bugged me. One of these boys started hitting the other two every time they tried to touch the blinds so I asked him what he was doing. He said he was offering "blind justice" and it was his duty to protect the blinds. A few days later he was back to touching the blinds and he informed me that "blind justice" had retired. On the last day of school, he drew a picture of himself as a sheriff with a "blind justice" badge on and stuck it to the window.

- one of my boys figured out that I really liked the tv show The Office. He decided from that moment on he was going to pretend to be Dwight and insisted that I call him by that name. I cannot tell you how many times I called on him to answer a homework question and he proceeded to tell me all he knew about "bears and beets" in his best Dwight voice.

- one of my favorite (yes, we all have favorites) boys decided about halfway through the year that he was a ninja. When he didn't know an answer on a test, he'd write "ninja". He was a hurdler in track and on the back of a quiz, he drew a ninja jumping over a hurdle. He asked if I would call him "grasshopper" instead of by his name and of course I said yes.

- my first semester of boys got to see my pregnant belly grow from hardly visible to being so big I was accidently erasing the white board. Upon my first visit back to school after having Micah, one of these boys told me "I'd really slimmed down."

Given that my husband would probably have done any or all of the above when he was in junior high, I like to think these boys are preparing me for stuff my son will try to pull in the future!

Top 5 Comments

My pregnancy seems to have shortened my patience just a bit...and so in that light, I thought I'd share the Top 4 "Things I Maybe Shouldn't Have Said" to students recently.

4. "Congratulations, that took 4 minutes." This is for a kid who goes to the bathroom every single day and spends FOREVER in there. He either has a really bad gastrointestinal issue or he is wasting time. Today I took out my iPod and timed him since I'm putting my money on wasting time.

3. "Student A...do you have a crush on student B?" (both boys) Student A responds with enthusiasm "NO!" to which I say "then STOP staring at him constantly!"

2. "If you two cannot stop talking to each other and wasting my time, I will tape you to the floor on opposite sides of the room."

1. "If you do not stop looking out the window at the snow, I WILL tape your eyes shut."

Baby Talk

There is quite a buzz around school now that the word is out that we're expecting. Apart from the constant name suggestions, a couple comments stand out as so funny/random that I feel they need to be shared:

Student 1: "You should name it Martin Luther King Jr."
Student 2: "um considering how famous he was, that would be...like...plagarism."
Forget about the racially offensive nature of naming a white baby after one of the greatest African American leaders of all time...this kid is just worried about plagarism. and that doesn't even make sense!

From one of the students in the previous conversation..."when it's born, you should put a beanie and glasses on it and send the picture to the whole school." what? WHY?

and my favorite from today:

"Can I be the baby's step dad?"

What this boy meant to say was "god-father" but instead said step dad and upon explaning that the only way that could happen was if we got married, he looked mortified while his friends made fun of him as only 8th grade boys can. I walked away laughing and immediately started this post.

People = Pollution

We were talking in class today about the impact of overpopulation and I brought up that one of the problems caused by this tends to be an increase in pollution. While this probably spurred some critical thinking in most students, the only one who said anything out loud said the following:

"more people, more farts"

This is funny/wrong for so many reasons. As if human farts actually contribute to air pollution. As if a boy should say this in a class with his female teacher! As if this should EVER be said out loud in class!

After my classic "that's inappropriate" comment and painfully long teacher stare, I had to turn around and laugh to myself.

more farts. geeze.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

I'm back and I promise to try to be more regular in my blogging. I am sure I will have no shortage of funny stories with this bunch of students!

Beyond the obvious body part differences between boys and girls, I've discovered in the last two weeks of teaching single gender classes, that boys and girls are different in almost every way. I feel as though I can best express this through the responses I got upon announcing I was 3 months pregnant.

1st block girls class- After a big lead in, I say "I'm going to have a baby" and they scream, clap, a few even jumped out of their seats. Each then proceeds to tell me I should name the baby after them. I laugh to myself thinking how some names I've liked in years previous are now forever off limits to me because I'd be afraid my kid might turn out those students.

2nd block boys class- After NO lead in, I say "I'm pregnant" and they are silent except for one boy who asks if I'd been craving pickles and ice cream.

8th grade girls lunch table- After yet another dramatic lead in, I annouce the upcoming real baby (I say real baby because these girls had me give birth to a pretend baby named Willis last year) and the girls scream, freak out, jump up and hug me. Word travels to the other two tables full of 8th grade girls and a similar scene occurs.

8th grade boys lunch table- Upon hearing all the screaming and fan fare, the nearest boys table asks what the commotion is about. I say "I'm having a baby" and the boys response? "oh, neat."