Top 5 Comments

My pregnancy seems to have shortened my patience just a bit...and so in that light, I thought I'd share the Top 4 "Things I Maybe Shouldn't Have Said" to students recently.

4. "Congratulations, that took 4 minutes." This is for a kid who goes to the bathroom every single day and spends FOREVER in there. He either has a really bad gastrointestinal issue or he is wasting time. Today I took out my iPod and timed him since I'm putting my money on wasting time.

3. "Student A...do you have a crush on student B?" (both boys) Student A responds with enthusiasm "NO!" to which I say "then STOP staring at him constantly!"

2. "If you two cannot stop talking to each other and wasting my time, I will tape you to the floor on opposite sides of the room."

1. "If you do not stop looking out the window at the snow, I WILL tape your eyes shut."

Baby Talk

There is quite a buzz around school now that the word is out that we're expecting. Apart from the constant name suggestions, a couple comments stand out as so funny/random that I feel they need to be shared:

Student 1: "You should name it Martin Luther King Jr."
Student 2: "um considering how famous he was, that would be...like...plagarism."
Forget about the racially offensive nature of naming a white baby after one of the greatest African American leaders of all time...this kid is just worried about plagarism. and that doesn't even make sense!

From one of the students in the previous conversation..."when it's born, you should put a beanie and glasses on it and send the picture to the whole school." what? WHY?

and my favorite from today:

"Can I be the baby's step dad?"

What this boy meant to say was "god-father" but instead said step dad and upon explaning that the only way that could happen was if we got married, he looked mortified while his friends made fun of him as only 8th grade boys can. I walked away laughing and immediately started this post.

People = Pollution

We were talking in class today about the impact of overpopulation and I brought up that one of the problems caused by this tends to be an increase in pollution. While this probably spurred some critical thinking in most students, the only one who said anything out loud said the following:

"more people, more farts"

This is funny/wrong for so many reasons. As if human farts actually contribute to air pollution. As if a boy should say this in a class with his female teacher! As if this should EVER be said out loud in class!

After my classic "that's inappropriate" comment and painfully long teacher stare, I had to turn around and laugh to myself.

more farts. geeze.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

I'm back and I promise to try to be more regular in my blogging. I am sure I will have no shortage of funny stories with this bunch of students!

Beyond the obvious body part differences between boys and girls, I've discovered in the last two weeks of teaching single gender classes, that boys and girls are different in almost every way. I feel as though I can best express this through the responses I got upon announcing I was 3 months pregnant.

1st block girls class- After a big lead in, I say "I'm going to have a baby" and they scream, clap, a few even jumped out of their seats. Each then proceeds to tell me I should name the baby after them. I laugh to myself thinking how some names I've liked in years previous are now forever off limits to me because I'd be afraid my kid might turn out those students.

2nd block boys class- After NO lead in, I say "I'm pregnant" and they are silent except for one boy who asks if I'd been craving pickles and ice cream.

8th grade girls lunch table- After yet another dramatic lead in, I annouce the upcoming real baby (I say real baby because these girls had me give birth to a pretend baby named Willis last year) and the girls scream, freak out, jump up and hug me. Word travels to the other two tables full of 8th grade girls and a similar scene occurs.

8th grade boys lunch table- Upon hearing all the screaming and fan fare, the nearest boys table asks what the commotion is about. I say "I'm having a baby" and the boys response? "oh, neat."

Sack of what?

In Washington State History, my students are hard at work (or hardly working depending on the kid) on their explorer biography project. Today's assignment was to show me their rough draft since it's due tomorrow. As I was checking I came upon my student who might possibly be the world's worst speller. Even knowing this, I found it absolutely impossible not to laugh at what was written on his paper. In an effort to spell Sacajawea, he wrote the following:

Sack-of-jewea

I kid you not this was what was on his paper. I started laughing, he started passing his paper around to show his friends so I wrote his spelling up on the board so we could all enjoy it together. It was a good thing.

Really? Really.

I appreciate a student's right to question their teacher. I actually even encourage it because I want students to learn to challenge things and formulate their own beliefs. I would say these two things are true of every single student in every class I've had so far except for one. We are not even three weeks into the 2nd semester and I've got one student who at least once a day tells me that I'm wrong...only to have herself proved wrong every time. Today was the last straw for me. Maybe it's the fact that she combines telling me I'm wrong without raising her hand. I might be more willing to hear her comments if she raised her hand first...or really I'd just pretend I didn't see her hand raised and never hear her comments ever again. I already moved her to the back of the room so her incorrect comments were from farther away. Sadly that did not make a difference. Here's how it went down today:

Teacher: "You find population density by dividing total population by total land area"

Student (w/o raised hand): "that's wrong, it's the other way around"

Teacher: (giving her the benefit of the doubt cause I was sick today and could have been off my game) "well I don't think so but why don't we just check"

Teacher: (after referencing the textbook, said with a serious frustrated tone) "actually you're wrong."

Student: (who responds this way EVERY time): "oh."

Now that may not have been the most diplomatic way of handling it BUT I didn't feel good and I am so over this.

That's What the Book Said

My newest pet peeve after having this bunch of students for one week:

"that's what it said in the book" in response to my telling them they had the wrong answer. That seems to be the general comeback of this group. As if saying "that's what it said the book" somehow makes a wrong answer right. As if I am going to say "oh ok, I am not familiar with what it says in the book." As if I don't basically know the book by heart now. My response to this is usually something like "show me where it said that" and it's amazing how no one can ever find their proof.

today M (the name has been changed to protect how much she bugs me) insisted that she couldn't find one of her definitions. "It wasn't in the chapter or the glossary" she said. I said "how much will you give me if I can find it in 2 seconds..." and then turned right to it (both in the chapter and the glossary mind you). she mumbled something as she walked away but I think she got the point.

Parent Night

Yesterday evening was one of the highlights of my year: Parent Information Night a.k.a Back to School night. Last year this night was approached fear and trepidation because I felt the need to "prove myself" being a first year teacher who barely looks old enough to drive a car. This year I felt much more confident, especially last night since it was the second PIN of the year. I thought it best to reflect on my fourth PIN of my teaching career and share some highlights with my vast readership:

- first comment of the night was literally "yeah, my daughter told me you would be young" to which I laughed and then felt like I was going to be carded.

- I had the pleasure of having the mom I shall deem "stinky face" twice since I have her daughter for both Geography and Washington State. "stinky face" looked like she either wanted to barf or kill me, I am not sure which one. Both of her questions made it very clear she is going to be my helicopter parent of the semester.

- crackberry dad didn't put down his cell phone for the entire 15 mins. it took all of my strength not to make a joke about how cell phones are not allowed in the junior high. I didn't but now I wish I had.

- the mom of the kid who I have already kicked out twice for talking (in four days) chatted my ear off, I wonder where he gets it?

and for my favorite highlight: one of my co-workers, who shall remain nameless, mircowaved fish for dinner in the teachers lounge before PIN leaving the entire building smelling like...well you can imagine.