James Bond

Today's WSH daily activity was to design a WA state flag. Only rules were "it needs to be in color and it needs to connect to either Washington's past or present. As you can guess, I got a lost of flag's with apples and trees. Salmon galore and the occasional Space Needle. What I wasn't anticipating was the following that can really only be described through the conversation I had:

Student: "Here's my flag"

Me: Looking at the helicopter and mountain on fire "Can you explain this to me?"

Student: "Sure, that's James Bond and he's chasing that bad guy who set the mountain on fire."

Me: "and what does this have to do with Washington State?"

Student: "nothing."

Me: "ok. well. you can either take this assignment seriously and do it over OR you can turn this in and see what happens."

Student: "i think i'll do it over."

His second edition work of art had a train on it with the following in the smoke cloud: "Washington Is Cool."

Creativity is Key

Today students turned in their fifth portion of their Washington State History Settlement Project. The only criteria for today's assignment was that students had to write three different journal entries about the unfortunate deaths of members on their Oregon Trail journey. One creative student decided to forget about the value of historical accuracy and wrote the following:

"Recently Pocahontas and Sacajawea got into a huge fight over which way to go. Pocahontas wanted to go Southwest but Sacajawea wanted to go Northwest. They started arguing but then Sacajawea grabbed a knife and pinned Pocahontas and Mom tried to pull her off but she cut Mom. Older Brother came by and saw the gash on Mom's arm and saw Sacajawea on top of Pocahontas (which I think he loves) and shot Sacajawea. She died before dinner from the wound. We are now caring for her baby."

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Two student responses today that made me laugh:

Mrs. Haslam: "How many branches of government does the U.S. have?"
Student: "Two plus that really small one."
Mrs. Haslam to student: "Two plus that really small one? Can you name them?"
Student: "You know, Republican, Democrat and that small one"
Mrs. Haslam: "Not exactly."

Mrs. Haslam: "And the Kalahari Desert stretches through Southeastern Namibia"
Student #1: "Isn't that a food, Kalahari?'
Student #2: "it's Kalamari stupid."
Mrs. Haslam: "wow."

Bathroom Lottery

7th grade boys are ridiculous for a lot of reasons, that's a give in. But today we reached a whole new level. It's fourth block and the rule in my class is that you cannot even ask to go to the bathroom until a half hour of class has passed unless it's a serious emergency. As is typical of most days in 4th block, about 1 hour in to class a boy asks to go to the bathroom. I say "sure" and immediately, it begins. Instantly 6 other boys raise their hands and ask if they can go. My answer in this kind of situation is usually yes but one at at time.

Today, for some reason, that was not the case. This is because I know that most of these boys want to go just to get out of the room, not actually go to the bathroom. How do I know this you ask? Because if they ask too early and I say no, most of the time they don't ask again. If they really had to go, they'd ask again. but I digress. Today I said "raise your hand if you have to go to the bathroom and you're a boy." 6 hands go up. I said " i am going to write your names on pieces of paper and will draw three, you three get to go and the rest of you have to hold it." As I am writing down names, one of the boys makes sure to whisper to me that he hopes he gets picked because "he has to go number two." he actually said this to me. gross.

i drew three names. three cheered. three moaned. thankfully the number two kid got picked.

Candy for Me

In my classroom there is a candy jar that sits in the corner of my file cabinet and taunts kids all day long. When I reach for it, eyes light up with joy at the possibility of what might be. Though some teaching books tell you that rewarding students for knowledge or good behavior is a bad idea, I've discovered that the chance for a jolly rancher or a tootsie roll gets most students excited and their brains activated.

The candy jar comes out typically once a week, or at least it used to.

One of my greatest pet peeves of teaching is having to repeat myself. My favorite (being sarcastic) version of this is when a student has their hand up while I'm explaining something only to ask the very question I just answered. They were apparently focusing all their brain energy on keeping their hand in the air rather than listening.

While this has always bothered me, it has not been a major problem until this year. My second block class has the most repeat offenders and up until recently have been stuck as to how to solve this problem. but oh how that has changed.

One day, after answering the same question three times in a row, it struck me. I glanced over at the candy jar on my file cabinet and it was as if God himself said "Jessica, candy for me." And thus became my new favorite statement and response to repeat questioners: "candy for me."

Now when a student asks a question I've already answered, I walk over to the candy jar, select the most desired kind of candy out of it and put that candy in a jar on my desk. That candy is no longer available for students to get but instead for my own eating pleasure. This is like pure torture for my students. The best part is when one students ask a question that's already been answered and several friends will whisper "candy for her."

It might be semi-mean but my goodness it has been successful. I've probably cut the repeat questions in half and I've also got a personal candy jar full of great goodies "for me."

he's THAT kid

We're one quarter into my second year of teaching and I've discovered a new pet peeve. In general, students who cannot figure out answers to test chalk it up to their own lack of studying. I say in general because this does not apply to Bert (who's name has been changed to protect his at times annoying identity). Bert is very smart and I've come to discover, a little bit too sure of himself. Every time (and I do mean EVERY TIME) we have a test, Bert encounters something that doesn't look familiar on a test and proceeds to accuse me of testing something that has not been covered in the material.

Last week it was "well I don't remember reading the term "man-made" anywhere in our text." I said "wow that's pretty amazing that you can remember that since your test is over more than 100 pages of reading." he was wrong and did in fact discover the term "man-made"

Today it was "Mrs. Haslam, NONE of our vocabulary cards have the word "rebirth" on them. I know that for sure." I replied "just because it says use a vocab word doesn't mean I necessarily gave you the definition of that word, you might need to know the context." He mutters as I walk away "well I know the book didn't use the word rebirth anywhere." shocker: he found it after he turned his test in.

It is seriously all I can do not to freak out when Bert feels the need to make his lack of studying my fault. You'd think after being proved wrong every single time, he'd come to learn that I'm not the one making the mistakes. you'd think.

Stop!

I say "stop" a lot during my day. In the last 10 minutes, I've used this very important word in the following ways:

-stop talking
-stop clicking your pens
-stop drumming your pens
-stop slamming your books on your desks
-stop drawing on your arm
-stop whispering to your neighbor

AND my personal favorite
-stop coloring your hair

Perspective

I had what might be the most annoying parent conversation of my teaching career so far today.

Met with a student and his mom to discuss why he is going to fail my class if he doesn't start turning in homework. The mom acted as if this kind of thing had not been said to her before about her son...which I know is not true based on looking at his file. He's a great kid...he just doesn't turn anything in and that doesn't fly in my class.

Kid left so it's just me and mom. She proceeds to say that she wanted to "give me some perspective" on her son's schedule. She then tells me how much he loves sports...and how the amount of homework he has every night is conflicting with his sports. She said "i just want you to keep that in mind when you are planning...just some perspective."

In my fantasy I said "Are you freaking kidding me? I'll show you some perspective, the perspective of my hand hitting your stupid face."

In real life I said, "thanks, i'll keep that in mind"

I made the right choice not to give her a piece of my mind about how my job is to actually educate her son...not worry about how perfect his jump shot is.

What a joke.

When You're Fifty...

It's Wednesday, chapel day.

The guest is a musician and half way through chapel, he passes out four sets of instruments to students in the crowd. He tells each student to keep one instrument and give one to a teacher. Once they've done that, they're supposed to bring their teacher on stage.

Caroline decides to give her instrument to me so we walk up on stage. The singer directs us to his left and his right saying "I want two teachers and two students on each side." He looks to the left, confirms it's as he asked. He looks to the right (where Caroline and I are standing) and he put his foot in his mouth with the following statement "ok and I see three students and one teacher."

It takes me about two seconds to realize he's talking about me and has decided I'm also a student. So I laugh, tell him I'm actually the teacher and he is clearly mortified. Everyone's laughing except for a few of the girls in my "fan club" who are so offended on my behalf that they are actually screaming at him. I believe their cries of injustice went something like "NO THAT IS NOT A STUDENT, THAT IS MRS HASLAM"

It was great. He was major embarrassed, I was amused. So I look 12. Everyone says I'll appreciate it when I'm 50.

like mother, like son

We have conferences this Friday. They are student led meaning the student comes with his/her parents and lead each teacher through a conference handout that has been created by each teacher. Parents may opt to either have their conference at school with the teacher or at home.

The plan/schedule has been communicated to parents in a minimum of three ways so that there aren't any major questions. They've been emailed, sent a newsletter and been informed via our online grading system. I even sent them all an email on Friday explaining it a way that a preschooler could understand just in case there were any questions. (no offense to all my preschool aged readers)

Today I emailed a mom asking that she schedule a conference for her son. The primary reason I want to talk with this boy's parents is because he simply does not pay attention in class. This boy is the reason I repeat myself at least 10 times a class and it's starting to make me crazy. No matter how many times I have explained things, this students inevitably will ask a question that's been answered three times already. Bottom line, he's not paying attention.

In response to my email, the mom says "yes we are interested in a conference...but don't have any idea about them. when are they, what are they and how do we schedule one?"

while my response to her was helpful, what I really wanted to say was "well now I know where he gets it..."

School Starts Tomorrow...

I swear that just yesterday it was June and somehow I woke up this morning and it was the last day of August. That means that school starts tomorrow and I cannot wait! Given that it was not all that long ago that I was having my first day of school at King's as a student, I thought it would be fun to compare my first day of 6th grade with my first day tomorrow. here we go:

6th grade:

- first day of school outfit was picked three weeks prior and probably hanging on my closet for at least a week. it consisted of a one piece dress thing that had a floral top and a denim bottom. i also wore some very clunky white shoes that looks REALLY good with my white chicken legs.

- new backpack was my first Jansport. that was a BIG deal to me. in that Jansport was my cornucopia of new schools supplies which were still in their boxes b/c I wanted everyone to know they were fresh.

- lunch, as always, was WAY better than any other lunch I would receive throughout the year. pretty sure there was a squeezit and a dunk-a-roo in there.

-no friends yet. I was the new girl. one of the first people to say Hi to me is someone I still consider a close friend today, thanks Kristen.

-david h: back then he was just one of the cute rowdy boys in my class. if I had to guess, he probably had a girlfriend within the first 5 minutes of the first day.

flash forward.

first day of school 2009:

- i still don't know what I am going to wear because...well...i don't care. probably some classic khaki's and one of my TWO new sweaters. regardless my students will look better than me so why put in all that much effort right?

- lunch will consist of a diet coke, half a baguette (picture like 8 inches of bread) and some chicken soup left over from dinner since I'm a little under the weather. no squeezit or dunk-a-roo. shoot, serious downgrade.

- no backpack, just the same janky purse that needs to be replaced. but it's yellow and I love it.

- not only do i have a rather large following of now 8th grade girls who love me but i will also instantly become the buddy of all those sad looking terrified 7th graders. I love the first day b/c all of the students are still nice...

- david H is now my husband (upgrade!) but he is out of town so he misses all the first week of school stuff. lucky for him i'll have this blog so he won't miss any stories.

keep reading...i'm sure this years 7th graders are bound to be just as funny as last year's bunch!

god IS good

the past few days have been full of countless reminders that though He certainly has more important things to deal with, God loves even me and hears my prayers. Here are just a few examples of God's faithfulness over the last week:

-providing my sister with a grandmother willing to help out in a MAJOR way during a small financial crisis. bless you Jan Buck.

- seating Melissa next to a military girlfriend with an anxiety disorder on her flight to Texas. Given their similarities, Melissa talked to this girl the entire flight and didn't spend a minute worrying about her fear of flying.

- providing Melissa with a very nice lady from Texas who offered her a ride to the hotel so Melissa didn't have to take a creepy taxi

- rescuing the 17 year old cat from what seemed like a hopeless situation. <---- it is this particular instance that really made me smile b/c God cares enough about me to answer my prayer to get the freaking cat out from behind the tub

These are simple things, SO minor in the scheme of what other people are dealing with, and yet God is a loving, faithful God. What a blessing it is to know that I can call out on God no matter what the situation (including a tub trapped cat) and believing whole heartedly that He will hear my cry.

to Potter or not to Potter

at 12:00 tonight Harry Potter 5 is released. David is out of town so IF I want to see it asap, I'd have to go by myself. time to do some pros and cons:

Pros:

- i've been waiting forever for this movie to come out.

- i would be in a sea of other Harry fans where the chances of my getting recognized at a midnight showing would be pretty scarce

- i wouldn't have to sit by my hubby who would inevitably would do his best to embarrass me and my love of HP

Cons:

- people dressed up as characters. It might seem like I would enjoy this but even I, a super nerd, think this is beyond lame. The ONLY time I would ever dress up for anything Potter is on halloween. But I am too lame to go to parties and I teach at a Christian school where dressing up like a wizard is frowned upon so this is not really an option.

- when it comes to my bedtime, I'm like a ninety year old woman. I cannot stay up past midnight so I'd probably just fall asleep

- without David, I'd have to sit by myself. With my luck I'd end up by the stinky jr high boy who hasn't showered for a few weeks.

Whether or not I end up going, I do know this. I am SO lucky I got David on lockdown. If he knew I was seriously considering going to the first showing of HP 5 by myself, he might leave me if he didn't take our marriage vows so seriously.

moving day.

for all of you readers (aka Kristen), tomorrow is moving day.

I hate moving almost as much as I hate snow day lunch duty (see past blog for more info).

I live my life in constant and extreme organization and therefore, the chaos that comes with moving is almost too much to handle. This moving process is particularly bad because we are moving like 10 feet from our current apartment which gives my husband zero incentive to get it all done at once and therefore I will live in chaos for a few days. If I had a Harry Potter wand and I would point it at my current apartment and say something along the lines of "packus and moveus" and my problem would be solved. but I don't have a Harry Potter wand b/c apparently Harry Potter isn't real.

time out. (Zach Morris style) My precious hubby REALLY cannot stand my love/obsession with Harry Potter and makes fun of me constantly. One time he caught me reading Harry Potter whilst listening to the soundtrack and I thought he was going to die laughing. 

time in. the apartment we are moving to is smaller and therefore, we have to downsize. I am not thrilled about this particularly when it means I cannot proudly display all of my Celine stuff due to serious lack of space. I am really working to count my blessings on this one because I am not excited about moving into an apartment that is smaller than the small one I am in now. So in an effort to focus on the good and not the bad, here are the things I am looking forward to about moving next door:

• moving day means I get to spend some time with my mom since she's helping, this is maybe the best part.
• moving means we get new appliances that are stainless steel
• the new apartment promises to be "more soundproof" than the one we are currently in. i'm praying that's true.
• we get Verizon Fios cable/internet which is already working and apparently really cool. This means I can watch Jon and Kate's marriage fall apart on several channels.
  
• my sister is going to move into the apartment we currently live in because she can move quickly whenever the house sells. I don't think it will sell anytime soon so that means my sis will be my neighbor. I think that's fun.
• moving this week means that Jacky (my enormous cat and favorite feline) gets to come back home. he's been at my parents due to the moving chaos and my extreme paranoia about something happening to him. i miss my chubby boy. 

so...tomorrow begins and if i'm lucky, ends the moving process. can't wait to have you all over to show off the new place. but don't plan on eating, we don't have space for a kitchen table :)

Confessions of a First Year Teacher

Having taught for almost a year now, I consider myself wise in the ways of teaching and feel I should share some truths/debunk some myths for you non-teachers out there:

- Teachers who say they don't have favorites are lying. I absolutely have favorite students and even a few who I'd consider hanging out with if it weren't a little Mary Kay Letourneau-ish (don't worry, the one i'd like to hang out with are NOT boys)

- I am actually considering not failing a student who has absolutely earned their F because the thought of teaching them again makes me die a little inside

-I LOVE grading. I know that many teachers find grading a chore but I love it. Grading typically affirms that I've done a good job and always provides a good laugh. 7th graders have some pretty creative answers when they have no idea what else to say.

- Sometimes, secretly, I nap behind my desk. It should come as no surprise that I plan my lessons way ahead of time so I find myself frequently without things to do during my prep. I may or may not keep a small pillow and blanket in my file cabinet.

- There are days when I have no idea what I am going to do in class. And yet, I never have days when we have excessive down time. This is not because I am a super teacher...it's because I am a super great maker uper of activities.

- I really like that my students like me.

-I like even more when I get to put my "mean face" on and lay down the law. Today I kicked a student out for screaming "Mt Everest" at the top of his lungs.

Teaching has been the best experience of my life thus far. I really like junior high and feel incredibly blessed to be here. Thank goodness that I teach students who are always more awkward than I am.

God is Faithful

I've known for a long time that God is faithful. I've experienced it countless times and it never ceases to amaze me how God loves each of his children so passionately that He knows exactly what we need. Last night was the latest installment in the "God is Faithful" book of our lives.

After much prayer and advice, David decided to pursue a Masters of Divinity degree from Seattle Pacific University. Given that we are already WAY in debt from our undergrad and my Master's program, we agreed we would have to figure out how to finance this three year program without incurring any additional loans. It was with faith and confidence that we applied, believing that God would make it possible, even if that meant we had to make our money stretch more than humanly possible. In His first act of faithfulness to us (in this specific circumstance), God provided parents and grandparents who committed to covering David's school as much as possible so that we could try to avoid getting any loans.

Last night David received a letter from SPU informing him of the financial assistance SPU was offering. Through 4 difference scholarships (thank you Free Methodist church, Robert Hayes whoever you are and SPU) David's entire 1st year of grad school has been covered! We received more scholarship money than we actually need for tuition AND my grandma Janet (who we call David's girlfriend) has offered to pay for David's books every quarter. This means not only do we avoid getting any loans but we don't have to pay a single penny out of our own pockets!

I'm not sure what we have done to deserve this graciousness but God is good.

Jon and Kate plus the Divorce Rate

Today I am very sad. I am sad because my favorite t.v. family seems to be falling apart.

I've watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 long before it was main stream popular. I have this weird obsession with multiples and so Discovery Health was my channel back in the day ( i.e. three years ago). Ask my former roommates, I used to make them watch it with me as I obsessed over how cute those kids were and how I wanted to have multiples just to prove I could do it.

I recognize that it's stupid to feel so sad over a family I don't know and a situation I don't fully understand. But I do feel sad and so I gotta get it out.

Jon and Kate, I don't know you but on the outside chance you have somehow discovered my brilliant blog in an effort for comic relief, I'm praying for you.

prayer requests

At King's it is encouraged that all first block teachers do devotions first thing in the morning. After calming the monkeys down, I start class with a corny devotional from a "Devotions for Teens" book, followed by a scripture reading and then the highlight: prayer requests. Every time we do prayer requests, I am reminded that scripture tells us that we are to love God and trust God like a child does. Beyond the reminder of a simplistic faith, I love prayer request time for several additional reasons.

Reason number 1: Somehow prayer requests always become thematic. If one person prays for someone with cancer, then everyone else suddenly is reminded that they know someone with cancer and that's their prayer request.

Reason number 2: Prayer requests are often braggadocios. One student last year somehow managed to pat themselves on the back every single day by giving a "prayer request." For example, the following prayer request was given by that student "um, well i found out that I am going to be featured in a book because i'm such a good student, so i just hope that um, that goes well."

Reason number 3: Prayer requests often having nothing to do with praying and is just an opportunity for a student to tell a story. Today was the perfect example. Student E (his name has been changed to protect his secret identity) raises his hand and thus goes the conversation:

Student E: "well every night my dog jumps into my bed and so there's lots of dog hair in it."
Mrs. H: "Ok, and how would you like us to pray for that?"
Student E: "um well you know, I can't really wash the sheets so there's lots of hair in my bed."
Mrs. H: "ok and again, how can we turn that into a prayer request?"
Student E: "um I would like to pray that there is less dog hair in my bed."
Mrs. H: "alright, we'll pray that your dog gets out of the habit of sleeping with you."

It is moments like these that are precious and also try my patience.

Creepy Crawlers

Ok so I should qualify that title with the following explanation:

this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with the little fluorescent plastic smelling, oven cooking, fumes probably cancer giving toys of my adolescence. but it does have to do with something that really creeps me out.

In general, it is a good idea for students to look at their teacher. I often find myself saying things like "I want to see your eyes so I know you can hear me" OR "I'm waiting for your attention". 7th graders are not the best about eye contact because...well...they aren't good at a lot of things that require any sort of social interaction. that being said, i'd like to dedicate this post to the two girls who are constantly staring at me.

1st semester, no creepy starers. <---- no idea if that's how you spell it but it looks close enough.

2nd semester, one in each class. 

Like honestly, these girls look at me so intensely for no reason that is creeps me out in a way that only a surprise shower spider creeps me out. and it's not like they are looking at me because I am talking to them and they are intently paying attention. Nope. They are looking at me during homework time, just staring at me sitting at my desk. They are looking at me as if their or my life somehow depends on it. I have not yet figured out how to respond to my friendly starers so I'm up for suggestions. Usually I just smile at them in the hopes that it makes them stop...usually it doesn't. 

What's particularly frustrating about these two girls is that they are the ones who consistently ask questions I have already answered probably 23 times. I wonder if they are looking at me so intently, trying to read my brain and figure out what the heck they are supposed to be doing. I'd love if that were true because it would save me two repeated sets of instructions each day.

maybe tomorrow i'll just stare right back at them and see how it makes them feel.

things I love about being a track coach

For those countless readers of this fine blog who may not know, I am a track coach at King's Junior High. I was sort of hesitant as the season approached but it has ended up being one of the favorite parts of my day. Why do I love it? Let me explain in a helpful list:

- I get to stand outside the track and yell whatever I want at my 40 sprinters. I have a grab bag of things like "keep those arms moving", "that's not a full sprint", "hustle", etc...

- During away meets, I get to sit at the front of the bus in my own seat while everyone else has to sit with a buddy. Keep in mind, that buddy might be stinky on the way home depending on how hard they worked.

- I get to wear rain boots when it's raining while my students have to wear athletic shoes

- I get called coach. Who wouldn't love this? It implies that I know what I'm doing. Most of the time I'm totally faking.

- I get to spend an extra two hours with 100 7th/8th graders. This is not a bad thing. They get to know me in a context outside of the classroom which provides some evidence that I do exist beyond Geography.

- i never ever have to run if I don't want to. and I don't ever want to.

Do You...

Below are the list of things I have recently been asked by students who seem unable to grasp that I exist outside the classroom:

- do you ever go to the grocery store? - no, i grow all my own food. that's also why we have a pet cow, for steaks.

- do you know the show Friends? - you mean one of the most popular shows of all time? no, i'm not familiar. PIVOT!

- does your husband pick you up after school? - believe it or not, i can drive my own car. and by car i mean huge truck and i practically have to jump into it.

-do you have a best friend? - nope. i live in a cave. 

-do you have a facebook? - yep. and NO you cannot be my friend until after you graduate.

- do you text? - this one is always followed by a shocked/impressed look when I answer yes. 

i must have also thought my teachers were not real people when I was my students age but some of what I get asked is just so funny. 

p.s. yesterday I found out some of the 8th grade boys think i'm "hot." that was my goal in life so I guess I have to pick a new one. 

tangents of the 7th grade mind

Recently we were talking about how in many countries with very dry climates, people store rainwater in barrels in order to have enough water throughout the year. A 7th grade boy (who I probably should not have called on given his track record for stories) raised his hand and said he had a story to tell. I said to him "does your story have to do with conserving water?" and he proudly said"yes!" It should have been a clue of things to come when he started to laugh before the story began. He goes on to tell a story about a time at his lake house when their water main broke. He rambled a bit and then his story ended with the following: "so my dad says, if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down."

not sure exactly how that correlates to rain barrells.

new seats!

the first day of 4th quarter was filled with delight as students saw a new seating chart posted on my classroom door.

and then delight quickly turned to sadness as they noticed that for some reason, none of them were sitting next to their friends.

when do you think they'll figure out that seating charts are the teachers ultimate classroom management tool? when might they understand that in jr high they will NEVER sit by their friends on purpose.

my favorite complaint said to me once after class"eww i don't want to sit by him, he eats his boogers..." yeah well, I bet you won't be talking to him during class then huh?

The Art of Paying Attention

"What do we do when we finish?"- This question will probably haunt me for all eternity as it's one I hear all day, everyday. It haunts me because I ALWAYS explain in detail what should be done when one might finish whatever we are currently working on. Usually "what you do when you finish" is accompanied by a worksheet or a map already sitting on a students desk so you think that'd tip them off. And yet, without a doubt, one or two students will ask that dreaded question. In one class, it's the same girl every single time. When she says "what do we do when we finish?" I want to scream at her...HOW ABOUT PAYING ATTENTION?!

but that's not nice, so I don't.

my husband, the heartbreaker

While watching the Bachelor "After the Final Rose" train wreck show last night, I couldn't help but enjoy hearing David laugh and watching him squirm at the incredibly uncomfortable situation going on. You see, apparently he had been in quite a similar circumstance back in high school. If you didn't see the season finale, let me explain a bit. Jason chose Melissa, breaking Molly's heart. However, after choosing Melissa he decided he made a mistake and in the aftershow, broke up with Melissa and professed his love to Molly.

outrageous right? apparently not if you are one Mr. David Haslam. now I absolutely chalk that up to high school immaturity and who hasn't done rediculous things back in the day. the person writing this had a pathetic crush on the same person for four straight years. love causes people to do crazy things.

however, this does sort of leave me wondering, with all his "love em and leave em" stories, how did I nail that man down?!

how do you fail...

...an open book test? I mean come on...i'm practically handing out free A's.

Jazz Fest and Jazz Hands

is it sacrilegious if I opt to shower during my Jazz Fest trip when the students are having their worship time? It's the only time I can think of when I won't be trapped with the 20 7th/8th grade girls fighting over the one shower and one outlet. 

I need to maintain some level of secrecy about how I get looking so fine. The students need to see the finished product, NOT what it takes to get there. If they saw my crazy lion mane hair before it's straightened, they might not respect me anymore. I gotta keep that respect when most of them are taller than me to begin with!

wait...you're the teacher?

The following are reasons why I am mistaken for a Junior Higher on a daily basis:

- in a sea of students during passing period, I am by far NOT the tallest. in fact today, a student rammed right into me like I was his buddy and then was like "oops, sorry Mrs. Haslam"

- sometimes I am wearing the same shirt as one of the girls in my class

- I see lots of clothes I have in my closet at school and I make a mental note never to wear them to school

- unlike most female teachers at King's, I don't even own a denim jumper

- I have an iPod, cell phone, myspace, facebook and I've read Twilight

- in no way do I look almost 25. Most people would probably figure I just got a drivers license, not a Master's degree

if i had unlimited money...

...i would purchase a car with a battering ram and rear end cars with bumper stickers i don't like.

i must have been so annoying

to my former teachers, please accept the following apologies:

- I'm sorry for raising my hand and shaking it like it might fall off if you didn't call on me. i now know that is SUPER irritating

- I'm sorry for keeping my hand raised when clearly you weren't going to call on me for the 14th time in a day

-I'm sorry for asking questions the moment I walked into the classroom. You never acted like it bugged you but I'm sure it did

-I'm sorry for those few years when showering seemed unncessary. hopefully I didn't stink but I know my hair was greasy greasy

-I'm sorry for passing notes and talking to friends. I thought I had you fooled but I know you saw it all along. thanks for not getting me into trouble as often as I deserved.

thank you for educating me as you did and instilling in me a passion for learning. my hope is that I can inspire my students the way you did me.

and most importantly, teach them not to be as annoying as I was.

a belated valentine's story

it's valentines day at king's jr high. well really its Feb 13th but we don't have school on Saturdays so the 13th is when you share the love.

i get a few valentine's from some of the girls in my fan club. at least i think they are in a fan club that has my name in the title. they like to hang out with me and i get it cause i'm like only 10 years older than them AND when asked i knew about the Chris Brown saga.

best moment of the day comes right before 2nd block. a sweet young man is standing outside my room with a rose (so clearly not for me, i'm not Mary K. Letourneau) and he looks like he might throw up right then and there. i then watch the following happen while trying to pretend not to:

this boy awkwardly walks towards who is apparently his new girlfriend. he hands her the rose without really making eye contact. they hug (which is strictly forbidden in the JH but it's the day of love so i let it slide). she mutters thank you and then they both make a dash to their friend groups where the girls are all like "OH MY GOSH...oooo, ahhhh) and the boys are like "duuuuude (insert many high fives)" 

the bell rings and he comes in still red in the face. i wonder if he is going to pass out cause he looks like that is a real possibility. a few minutes pass and he collects himself. he knows he is the man. she knows he is the man. and i know they got away with an illegal hug. 

old friends, new friends

i have been thinking a lot lately about my friendship circle and i've come to the following GOOD and BAD conclusions.

GOOD:

- i finally have the best friend (other than david of course) i've always wanted and for the first time in my life I feel like the person I call my best friend is actually someone who cares for me as much as i care for them. that's a good thing to feel.

- all of my friends know how to make me laugh. that is something that is so important to me. i think laughing is one of the best thing you can do with friends.

- i have a small group of close friends. i will choose a small group of friends over a large group of acquaintances every single time.

BAD:

- i have some "former" friends that i wish weren't so former. i have not done a good job of staying in touch with some girls that were a huge part of my life and i feel bad about that. its not totally my fault since they didn't stay in contact with me but i miss them. the problem is that it's been so long i'd feel horrible/stupid to try to get reconnected. i'm not sure what to do.

- i feel like some of my friends take a lot and don't give much back. that's not to say that i'm in my friendships for what i can get but it starts to feel one-sided after awhile. i'm trying to decide if it's worth keeping these friendships since i made a promise to myself a long time ago that i would not let myself be used by a friend ever again. if you are one of my friends who NEVER initiates hanging out with me or cancels frequently or makes excuses, I may be talking about you.

- i REALLY wish David and I had some married friends. none of our friends are married yet and most of them are not even close. shoot, at this point I'd settle for some couple friends, you don't even have to be married.

not sure how to conclude this one. i'm a lucky girl to have the friends i do.

lunch duty.

Every teacher has a part of their job that they hate. Some teachers don't like correcting...i love it. Some teachers don't like being a disciplinarian; believe me, that is not a problem.

My hell? lunch duty.

I despise lunch duty. It involves walking around, saying "throw away your trash" about 1,533 times and generally being freezing cold. Seeing as how I hate regular lunch duty, one might imagine my feelings on lunch duty when there is SNOW on the ground. For me, snow lunch duty is worse than taking a drivers test, a bad break-up and running over your cat combined. Snow lunch duty is literally the worst.

My most recent experience brought me to my snow lunch duty breaking point. Monday is my day to be a lunch nazi. Monday there was about an inch of snow at King's. The minute I walked out of the door, I saw one boy lob (sp?) a giant snowball directly into the back of the head of another boy. Enter Mrs. Haslam screaming "NO THROWING SNOW" for the first of countless times. Now I know some people will think that it's just normal fun to play in the snow and throw snowballs. This is true when you have the ability to excercise self control. Junior Highers do not posess this ability. What may start as a friendly snowball fight quickly becomes a larger student ramming a smaller students face in the snow pile until they bleed. This is why snowball throwing is NOT allowed. but back to the story:

I escorted this young gentleman to the office for the remainder of his lunch all the while hearing complaints about how I'm not fair. As soon as he was safe within the confines of the office, I went back outside. Not to my surprise a student who I had warned previously about not throwing snow lofted a large snowball in my general direction aiming for a friend. I went over to this boy and said "what part of not throwing snow did you not understand?" BAD IDEA to ask sarcastic rhetorical questions to an 8th grade boy. He responded with something snotty which made me want to spank him (clearly not allowed) OR ram his face into the snow myself (also probably a bad idea). I made another trek to the office where I deposited my second student of the day and ventured out for the last 20 minutes of hell...I mean lunch duty.

my life as a 7th grade teacher

I give in, it's time to create a blog. I never understood blogs, why people care to read about what's going on in other peoples lives UNTIL I started teaching. Because I teach 7th grade, I have found that my day to day life is full of awkward moments, hyperactive 12 year olds and some pretty hilarious test answers. I usually come home from work, tell David as much about my day until his eyes glaze over (i don't blame him) and then consider telling Jack the cat the rest of the funny stories. Being that I have many friends that are teachers and many of them have blogs that make me laugh out loud, I thought I would join the club.

For my first blog post ever, I should probably explain the title "land bridge to Africa." As I sort of mentioned, I usually find myself laughing as I correct tests and encounter some very creative test answers. In my very short teaching career, one answer ranks above all the rest. Let me give it context: I teach 7th grade geography at King's Junior High school and we cover the ENTIRE world in a semester. During my student teaching last year, I took over the classroom just in time to teach about Latin America. Latin America is, of course, a land bridge that connects North America and South America. Well apparently that was lost on one student because on their multiple choice test, they chose that Latin America was a land bridge that connected North America and AFRICA! This was funny for so many reasons:

Reason number one: like most students probably realized, we had not yet studied Africa so it was pretty likely that Africa would not be the answer. I included Africa in the list of answers because I needed a 4th option and I was pretty darn sure NO ONE WOULD PICK IT. i was wrong.

Reason number two: the unit we had just finished and the test we were taking was labeled (literally written on the top of the test, like 5 inches above the question) "North and South America."

Reason number three: from this students desk, they could probably see 10 maps...and if they looked at those maps, they would notice the absence of a vast piece of land stretching over the Atlantic ocean connecting North America and Africa.

In this moment, really good teachers might wonder what they'd done wrong that a student had picked the most wrong answer. I didn't worry about that because I was too busy laughing.

so that is why this blog is called "land bridge to Africa."